For a few months I’d been feeling like my photos are mostly shit, and that was down to feeling less connected with whatever was going on around me, and with my anxiety, and the realisation of that anxiety being an actual thing that I needed to deal with.
Since almost the beginning of August I stopped myself drinking anything but water for a solid month. I was curious to see if it’d make me feel any different. I missed tea, a lot (I now have an occasional cup of tea, like once a week maybe?), drinking water was and still is boring, but aside from that it was fine – In fact it’s generally done me a ton of good; my moods are more manageable, I’m less irritable, more rational, I don’t really mind getting out of bed early, and I don’t ache anymore. The only problem being when I was out, I missed alcohol.
It’s easy to think that shooting club nights are just the same night repeated drink after drink, but when they come into their own it’s hard to explain, especially to those who don’t do it. I can look back at certain photos from different nights and remember entire stories of situations that happened on each particular night. Since allowing myself to drink once a week, coinciding wonderfully with me taking party photos and finding a balance and purpose within that chaos, that’s what the past few weeks have been feeling like and that’s what I’ve been missing from my life recently. I feel it coming back and it’s familiar and comforting, and I fucking love it. Looking at some of my party photos, especially recently, I’m feeling good about my photos again.
I’m an anti-social fuck at the best of times, so I need to focus on getting out a little more to surround myself with familiar drunken faces and have a goddamn dance because if everything is as shit as we believe then we may as well feel good about it together.